May I present you the best knock knock joke of all the knock knock jokes:
No others will be considered ever again.
Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:
- Joe Biden still doesn’t get it. After releasing a video addressing several women’s stories about his unwanted touching, he told this joke at the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers Construction Conference in Washington: “I just want you to know. I had permission to hug Lonnie,” he said after embracing president Lonnie Stephenson. It was such a gut-buster that he made the joke again, later, putting his around a kid on stage. “By the way—he gave me permission to touch him.” [CNN]
- If you’re pissed, read Sofie Karasek on Biden. She’s more thoughtful. [Washington Post]
- Brace yourselves, a Trump memoir might be coming. [Daily Beast]
- New Mexico becomes the 14th state to join the National Popular Vote Interstate Compact. [CNN]
- In a 12-page memo to Congress, Michael Cohen’s attorneys say that Donald Trump “encouraged Cohen to lie and say all Moscow Tower project contacts ended as of January 31, 2016 using ‘code’ language—telling Cohen during various conversations that there was ‘no collusion, no Russian contacts, nothing about Russia’ after the start of the campaign.” [BuzzFeed]
- FBI Chief Christopher Wray warns about the rise of white supremacy. I’m sure the administration will take these concerns seriously. [HuffPost]
- Fox News contributor Lawrence Jones looks super chill making propaganda by wearing a wildly unnecessary protective vest at the U.S.-Mexico border. [HuffPost]
- Howard Shultz is still thinking about it:
- New York Mayor Bill de Blasio… please don’t. [New York Times]
- Arizona Republican Rep. Paul Gosar, a very classy man, called former Democratic state Senate candidate Steve Weichert “a little bitch” on Twitter. [The Hill]
- After facing pressure from Elizabeth Warren and other public officials, Wells Fargo has dropped some of its debit card fees. But critics and industry watchdogs say it’s still not enough. [Politico]
Here are some tweets the president was allowed to publish:
This has been Barf Bag.