Dr Nikki Goldstein reveals most common questions a sexologist gets asked – and how to deal with them




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How much sex should couples REALLY be having? Sexologist answers the most common questions she’s asked by clients

  • Dr Nikki Goldstein reveals the most common questions she gets asked daily
  • Among the questions is ‘how much sex’ couples should have every week
  • Here, the Sydney sexologist offered her relationship expertise

Cindy Tran for Daily Mail Australia

Intimacy can often get lost in the long haul of relationships.

And while in today’s world we are bombarded with so many different relationship advice, it can become confusing when you’re stuck in a rut.

But Sydney sexologist Dr Nikki Goldstein has offered her expertise – as she revealed the five most common questions she gets asked daily – and how to deal with them.

Sydney sexologist Dr Nikki Goldstein (pictured) has offered her expertise - as she reveals the five most common questions she gets asked daily - and how to deal with them

Sydney sexologist Dr Nikki Goldstein (pictured) has offered her expertise - as she reveals the five most common questions she gets asked daily - and how to deal with them

Sydney sexologist Dr Nikki Goldstein (pictured) has offered her expertise – as she reveals the five most common questions she gets asked daily – and how to deal with them

1. How much sex should we be having each week?

According to Dr Goldstein, there’s no magic number.

‘The amount of sex you should be having is what works for you and your partner, no matter what that is,’ she said in her latest blog post.

‘Everyone has a different life and a different schedule that will work for them.’ 

‘This question really involves someone looking at where they get their expectations from and what they want from their intimate life with their partner.’

2. How do we spice things up?

Dr Goldstein said couples looking to ‘spice things up’ should think about the emotional side of their relationship before they delve into ‘sexpectations’. 

She explained the importance of communicating with their partner about the issues that may be jeopardising their sex life.

‘Sometimes when a man asks how to spice things up with his female partner, the problem is not her not wanting to have sex, but the lack of pleasure during sex when it does occur,’ she said.

‘If a woman doesn’t feel like sex is pleasurable, that it’s more of a chore and something she has to do, eventually that tap starts to get turned off.’

While in today's world we are bombarded with so many different relationship advice, it can become confusing when you're stuck in a rut (stock image)

While in today's world we are bombarded with so many different relationship advice, it can become confusing when you're stuck in a rut (stock image)

While in today’s world we are bombarded with so many different relationship advice, it can become confusing when you’re stuck in a rut (stock image)

The five most common questions asked daily 

1. How much sex should we be having each week?

2. How do we spice things up?

3. How do I get my partner to have more sex with me? 

4. My partner is chatting to someone online, is that cheating?

5. I feel like we have lost the passion in our relationship, how do we get it back? 

3. How do I get my partner to have more sex with me?

Dr Goldstein said this is one of the most common questions she gets asked – and she usually responds: ‘Why don’t they want to have sex with you in the first place?’

‘The person to help answer this is the person who is not wanting to have sex… This comes down to sexual communication,’ she said. 

She revealed the factors that could be contributing to a lack of intimacy, such as body confidence issues, having different expectation of sex, stress, exhaustion, medication they are on or others reasons.

‘The biggest tip I would be giving is to have those conversations with your partner around why it’s not going on in the first place.’

4. My partner is chatting to someone online, is that cheating?

There are so many definitions of infidelity – but according to Dr Goldstein: ‘it’s when you have to hide someone from the other person or when you being deceitful’. 

‘If someone is having a conversation with someone online that they feel they need to hide from that partner, then it might be a case of micro cheating,’ she explained

‘They are still being deceitful but it might not have as much weight as someone who is sexual with someone else.’ 

5. I feel like we have lost the passion in our relationship, how do we get it back?

Dr Goldstein explained ‘passion often changes, not disappears’. 

She said ‘passion’ usually comes from feelings of the relationship being new and exciting – so it’s why your connection has changed over time – but in a good way. 

‘The relationship now might be more intimate and intimacy is vital when it comes to not only the emotional side of the relationship but for sex and pleasure too. We need intimacy more than we need passion,’ she explained.

Dr Goldstein encouraged couples to work together to explore new things in their life that makes you ‘passionate’ every day.

She said that could be finding a new hobby, dining at a new restaurant or introducing new things into your relationship.

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